I haven’t said anything about the anti-asian thing on my Facebook even when I did start posting things on my much angrier IG.
It made me uncomfortable. Obviously, it made me uncomfortable. Unfortunately, I dealt with my discomfort like the way I deal with a lot of things. I kept distant. I guess even calling it “the anti-Asian thing” is a way to create distance. I felt uncomfortable because it made me feel small. Made me feel helpless. As a Canadian, I was ashamed of my country. But there was something else. Let me bury that lead a little. Anyways, I did what I do when I get stressed out and I ignored the problem. Or minimized it. Or denied it even.
And as a half-learned man, that was easy to do. As a big ol’ Marxist, seeing history hitherto as a history of class conflict, I looked at the class dynamics of the Asian community in the lower mainland and I thought “no way.” This well-to-do group? We can’t be discriminated against. As a kid that grew up in K-town surrounded by Koreans, it was easy to question the minority-ness of our minority status. And as, what crim101 profs would call, an “emerging criminologist” I was skeptical of the rise in anti-Asian crime statistics.
Where were they situated? Can’t be here. Half of us are Asian. Then I read a little more and found that there was a 717% increase in anti-Asian hate crime in Vancouver. Next, I rationalized by saying, our hate-crime rates were so low that any increase is going to seem proportionately big. Then I found out that BC has the highest anti-Asian hate crimes per capita. I even started to question the crime reporting practices of the various Asian-Canadian communities. As if crime reporting habits of heterogeneous communities across the nation would flip on a dime.
And then some dude in Atlanta shot up a spa. Drove 30mins to two more spas and shot some more people. Apparently even yelled that he was gonna kill all Asians. And the cops said, probably not the same shooter, then when they admitted it was the same guy, that it wasn’t racially motivated. The murderer was just having a bad day. I know Atlanta is not a part of Canada, but the rise of anti-Asian rhetoric and attitudes don’t need to be checked at the border. And it’s not like there isn’t a part of Canada that tries to follow in America’s footsteps.
I kind of had to accept what was happening. There were more and more people in this country that I call home that would see me a stranger. And I started to wonder, after finally accepting the very acceptable crime statistics, what do I do? And it’s weird. I wondered what I would do if I saw an instance of anti-Asian hate. It’s weird because, first off, I don’t go out and if I do, I’m rarely out for more than 15mins. And secondly, I realized I’m worried about being a bystander. I didn’t worry about me, not because I’m an altruistic saint or some macho man that can “take care of himself.” Like bruh, they are hitting people over the head with metal pipes in broad daylight in our own communities. But I recognized I’m not really being targeted. They are attacking the elderly and women. And I am terrified that I will be a witness to something and won’t do anything.
I figure I need to think of a plan beforehand so I don’t freeze, but it’s hard to think of things more productive than jump the guy. Lmao. I don’t even know what it is that I should do, given I don’t fall at the intersection that most of the recent victims do.
And I’m even more confused as to the macro issue. If I was a betting man, I’d wager that addressing wider social problems like poverty, alienation, gentrification, and all that would help. And creating spaces for truly intercultural contact across the board couldn’t hurt.
But I’m really not sure how to go about those things. I know it’s a cliché question to ask. Like it’s a theme in Hollywood blockbusters. And if Hollywood can make money off it, it’s probably not the most original. But how do you kill an idea? People don’t just think we don’t belong, they are starting to treat us like invaders. And the sad thing is, there’s a part of me that’s internalized that. The more we’re treated like that, the more I feel it’s true.
There was this interview with RO Kwon that I listened to recently. Apparently, she had written an essay in Vanity Fair which I haven’t read. A part of it had to do with her finally speaking to her parents to just tell them to be careful. To acknowledge what was going on.
Her mom turned it around. Said she was fine, and instead it was RO that ought to be careful. She even suggested to her daughter that she talk loudly in public. The underlying assumption being that her daughter’s perfect English would act as a line of defense to prove that she belonged. The corollary, of course, was that the mom belonged a little less.
I get this. Like I wish I didn’t get this. I would like to think that I have a decent grip on the English language, but I have definitely felt the need to prove my Canadian-ness, not with my passport or my allegiance to the Queen (Long live the Queen), but with my language. So, how do I kill an idea in others when I haven’t killed it in me yet?
I couldn’t think of an answer. And so, I didn’t want to talk about it. It’s easier to think about social injustice when it happens a little further from home. It’s harder to keep the emotions out when it’s you they’re after. It definitely doesn’t help when they say they pray to the same God. Maybe that’s selfish, but that’s where I’m at right now
Wake Up Sheeple! 