Poems

The Wire

Sometimes it feels like I’m walking on a wire
10 000ft in the air
perpetually off balance.
And the worst part?

I never fall.

The anticipation is killing me.

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Poems

Peter Pan

Maybe I should screw up.
Maybe that’ll stop people thinking that I grew up.
Maybe it’s not too late to slow up.
Maybe it is and I just need to grow up.

Poems

Middle School

I went to my old middle school today.
I realized I graduated a decade ago.
It was mostly the same,
but it had, in a small way, changed.

It’s been ten years since; I wonder if I’ve grown much.
I guess I’ve learned a little.
Though I can’t say I know much,
but maybe that’s just how it goes.

Or maybe that just means I’m not grown yet.
Maybe that means I’m a little tone deaf.
Life’s a song and dance and I just don’t know the steps yet.

Poems

Growing Up

Growing up I never felt like I was good enough.
I learned to get over it.

Then I’d make a bad mistake.
I’d try to learn from it and sooner or later,
usually the latter, I’d move on

Usually right after making another one.

And I find myself thinking I should have killed myself two weeks ago.

Poems

I’m Kind of Depressed

So I think I’m depressed.

See, there’s this pressure at the back of my head

The bottom-right corner

Well, my right.

And I’m just so tired.  I can feel my blood choke and crawl.

It takes extra effort to move at all.

All the sounds sound a little muffled and hard to hear

Kind of like the audio of the old YouTube player.

And the colours are grey-filtered like Zack Snyder was in charge of post production.

It takes extra effort to function.

family · Poems

Child Support

Mom would always get mad
when I “forgot” to remind Dad to pay the child support.
She thought I respected his money more.
Nothing could be more from the truth.

She told me in divorce court that he didn’t want me.
Still all I wanted was for my dad to like me.
And it was hard to pretend that he did
when it felt like I was forcing him to support me.

Poems

Arrhythmia

I have arrhythmia.
That means that my heart beats sometimes on the off beat
and on the off chance it beats
on the same beat
it feels like opposing flows meet.
Basically, my heart is beat deaf.

And that’s a good analogy
of how I feel when I can’t sleep.
Or at least that’s what I think
with heavy eyes that just can’t seem
to decide which position to keep.
And I try to shut my eyes but my eyes won’t stay seamed.
And time ticks but to dream remains no small feat.

So I sink deep into my bed.
And I listen to my heart beat it’s little beat deaf head.
And I wrote a little poem, I hope that it makes sense.